


back to black

by Dimplesonfire



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Canon, M/M, References to Drugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2018-05-31 20:44:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6486820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dimplesonfire/pseuds/Dimplesonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few years after the end of the group, they find themsleves together again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So i wrote that back in 2014 when nobody knew about the break yet BUT I CALLED IT HAHA except i didn't expect Zayn to leave but that's just details. I love Zouis and i live for a good OT5. Also this will probably never be finished, I don't even know what i wanted to write after that... Also I didn't proofread the smut i was already so uncomfortable knowing that i ever wrote that and had no memory of it.

Liam arrives first. He's right on time. As usual. At least lately.

He's not mad at the rest of the boys for being late. He just stays in his car for a little while longer, hands on the steering wheel. The heating has stopped and he can now see steam coming out of his nose every time he exhales.

 A couple of minutes later, or so says his watch, because it really feels like an eternity as well as a second, a motorcycle parks next to his car. The driver takes off his helmet and frees his long brown hair. It's not as much curly as it's wavy. Cut a little under shoulder length, it rests on Harry's black coat's collar. Harry ties it in a loose bun mid-height of the back of his head. He forgets a couple of locks, one on his neck, behind, and a short one under his temple just above his ear, curling and pointing at his clean shaved jaw.  He wipes his eyes, scratches his cheek where the lose strand of hair bothers him, like a small insect flying too close and causing light shivers and goose bumps. He opens the seat and puts his helmet under it before stretching his arms. He's wearing a dark flowery silky scarf only resting on his shoulders without covering any part of his throat. Liam gets out of the car quietly except for the door closing and walks to the other man. The cold bites his forehead and cheekbones and ears and nose. He buries his hands in his pockets.

 "Harold" he says, taking one hand out and holding it up to Harry. The cold bites his fingers too. Harry looks at Liam's hand for an instant but doesn't take it. Instead, he closes the space between them and pulls in Liam in a tight hug. They're the same size although Harry's a couple inches taller because of his heeled shoes. Liam squeezes Harry between his arms and breathes in his scent. Harry smells good, he's always had, he smells fresh and expensive.

 

" 's good to see you" Harry mouths in Liam's neck. Liam hums in agreement. It's not only Harry he's missed, it's the feeling of the brotherhood he gives to each and every time they're all together. Harry's the glue, without him there's an empty spot probably wider than if any of the other boy was missing. Harry's the secret ingredient that makes them a whole. At least it used to be that way. They pull away at the same time.

 

"Is anyone else in yet?" Harry asks, nodding towards the building.

Liam shakes his head. "The team probably. Didn't feel like getting inside on my own, you know."

Harry nods comprehensively and pockets his hands. They stay silent for a little while, Harry looking at the entry of the private parking lot. Liam is playing with his lighter. He knows Harry doesn't like the cigarette smell and anyways, he doesn't really feel like it. His smoking has slowed down a lot in the last months. He's down to one pack a week and for the first time in years he can spend a day without even thinking about getting a smoke. Now he does it more by habit than by need. Or to keep countenance, to have something to hold. Sometimes, he doesn't even light them.

"So how have you been doing ?" he says,  finally breaking the silence.

Harry turns back to him and shrugs. "good, good I suppose. I'm staying at my mom's, you know, before I leave. She's gonna keep Berlioz, he doesn’t do good in the heat. He starts to smell.” He makes a pause and smailes at Liam’s soft giggle.

“And Gemma's getting better...I think... They told us that she was anyway, so..." he looks down and Liam nods silently, smile leaving his face.

"And you ?" Harry asks a minute later, looking back up.

Liam runs a hand on his hair. It's so short. "I guess, yeah...we're looking for a new place, bigger this time."

Harry smiles. "oh, so you're back together ?"

Liam bites his lips. Are they ? Yeah probably. You don't look for a bigger place with someone you don't really care about, right ? They haven't discussed it yet though.

It's his turn to shrug. "yeah I s'ppose..." he wants to explain that it's complicated but he's cut by the honk of a car. Behind the glass window, Niall waves cheerfully at them. Harry holds up two fingers and waves back shyly. Liam only smiles and nods.

 

Niall parks the car. It's a nice car, a BMW, silver and clean. Harry and Liam eye him getting out and walk to them.

"Lads !!!" he says in a big smile, arms open. He takes off his beanie, letting his hair free that the cold hasn’t let dry since his late shower. He shakes it and a drop of water falls on Liam's cheek. He hasn't seen Niall since new year’s eve slash Louis' birthday party.  He looks more like an adult than he ever has, he even has a light stubble, making his face look sharper. His baby blue eyes and his light skin contrast with his hair, now at their natural colour, chocolate brown, darkened by the lack of sunshine. The “ _Niall the Irish and blond one”_ days are over.

"Happy birthday by the way Haz ! So twenty-tree ?" Niall says cheerfully, tone still thick with Irish accent even though he's been living mostly in London for a long time now. He hugs Harry with a pat on the back. Harry nods and mouths a low "thanks babe". Niall turns to Liam. They shake hands. Niall's is warm and soft. It could be reassuring if it wasn't for the barely noticeable shaking and the dark purple circles under his eyes. Liam tries to smile but it's difficult. It feels insanely fake. It's like his jaw muscles don't know how to do that anymore when it seemed so easy a few minutes earlier. It seems so out of place to smile. He sees Niall looking for comfort behind his own forced smile. "so you guys ready ? Big day uh..."

Neither Liam or Harry answer. They just nod quietly. Niall's smile fades. His voice shakes. "I'm freezing, you wanna wait for the others ?"

Liam shrugs and feels Harry pressing himself on his side.

"mind if I smoke ?" Niall asks. He's looking at Liam, but he's really asking Harry. They both shrug again.

Niall takes his black and steel electronic cigarette out of the inner pocket of his black coat. The steam smells like honey. It's too sweet. Liam likes the strong smell of tobacco. At least it doesn't lie about whether it’s killing you.

Harry's back looking at the ground.

"so Haz, ya leaving soon ?" Niall asks.

Harry looks up. "yeah, feels weird you know, to not... You know have a place of mine here... To, like, you know, go... for good." he sniffs and scratches his nose. His voice is slow and hesitant. Niall nods and exhales honey scented steam. "But you know I'm always there anyway so... 's just easier with paperwork and stuff." Harry adds.

"Enjoy LA's constant sun for me mate." Niall says, looking up at the grey sky. His cheeks are bright pink and his hair is sparkled with what seems like frozen droplets of water.

"you can say that again." Liam says, in a shiver. Although he'd never leave England for good, he's a little bit jealous that Harry's brave enough to already move on and start something in the Big US.

After that, they stay silent, Niall quietly smoking and Harry playing with a rock with the tip of his shoe, until the next car arrives.

 

It's black and expensive, slim and elegant, silent and fast. It’s Louis's car.

The windows are tinted and it's a surprise when the passenger's door opens, letting Zayn out. Like Harry's, his hair is tied in a bun on the top of his head. Half of his face is hidden under a heavy knitted black scarf. He holds up one leather gloved hand without a word and sets himself next to Liam, a little too far and yet way too close. He takes out a cigarette from his pack. A real cigarette.

 

From the driver's side, Louis comes out. His messy fringe almost covers his eyes, stubble covering his jaws and accentuating his cheekbones. Drugs and alcohol and lack of sleep made him look older than he really is. His cheeks are hollow and his skin pale.

He looks better than the last time Liam saw him though, when he came to Liam's door in the middle of one night, smelling like booze, eyes red and hands shaking. He'd crashed in Liam's guest room for a couple of days before leaving without a word except for the drawing of a dick made out of magnets on the fridge's door. Luckily, Kyle wasn't home then, out on a work trip. Liam hasn't told him about it. It's for the best, because Kyle doesn't like Louis and he would definitely have thrown him out. A few people only can appreciate Louis, most of them being present right now, on the parking of a London studio. Well at least they used to like him. Let's say he's one of a kind and his sharp mind and tongue are not to everybody's taste. Or maybe they just got used to it.

He hugs lightly Liam and Niall. He smells like soap and deodorant and coffee. It's a good scent. It's a healthy scent. Then, Louis stops in front of Harry and it feels like everyone stopped breathing. "Happy twenty-three Harry." he says and they hug. It's stiff and awkward and, thankfully, short. Liam can't help noticing that his knuckles are red and cut, peppered with dried blood of healing wounds. Louis pulls away and looks at all of them. One of his eyelids is red and puffy, like a black eye fading.

"we better go I s'pose." he says, hands high in the pockets of his jacket. Niall nods and sets a hand on Harry's lower back. Liam follows them. They enter the building. Liam holds the door open and looks behind him for the two last men. He has just enough time to see Louis pulling back from a kiss. Zayn's hands are still on Louis' sides. Louis replaces his fringe and Zayn mouths something Liam can't hear. He feels like a creeper, almost spying on them. He's not used to see them together like that. He knew they had gotten closer during the Break, but he's never seen them, not like that, sober and in full day light. Louis smirks at what Zayn said and walks away without a look back. His eyes cross Liam's who instantly feels guilty for, what, looking at them.

Liam rubs his nose. "so you guys getting serious ?"

Louis shrugs and walks past Liam.

Zayn leans against the wall. "I'm gonna finish this" he says, holding up his cigarette. Liam nods and closes the door. He feels out of breath. His heart is beating fast.

 

They get into hair and makeup at nine. Everyone is silent or almost. Lou, the hair dresser tries to talk Harry into wearing some more foundation under his eyes. He shakes his head no as she sighs heavily, a brush in her right hand, the other resting on her side. They used to be friends Harry and her. Isn't it amazing what you can lose in barely a year ? A whole friendship gone into dust.

On a chair next to him, Louis, all limbs spread out, plays on his phone. The red under his eye is now invisible thanks to makeup. Nobody asked where it came from. The 8bit sound of the little bird crashing over and over again would usually annoy everyone but even Liam doesn't feel like telling him to stop.

Zayn, after coming back,  fell on a couch and is now sleeping, head resting on his own shoulder in a position a little painful to watch. On the other side of the couch, Niall, arms around his knees is looking at nothing precise. His face is completely neutral, empty. His skinny fingers move sometimes to tap a rhythm on his leg. His dark hair, natural drying getting it spiky on top of his head falls flat on his forehead and temples, shadowing his eyes.

Liam is pacing in circle reading over and over the little speech he's prepared. The paper is worn out of how much it has been folded and unfolded in the last couple of days. He only stops walking to half sit on the table for a few seconds, standing back up quickly to pace again, muttering his speech.

 

"Boys, time to go."

They all get up; Louis with a big sigh, pocketing his phone as dramatically as it's possible. Liam looks at him waking Zayn up. It used to be him, who would lightly brush his fingers against Zayn's stubbly cheek, whispering a few words in his ear. Zayn opens his eyes and smiles at Louis. Again, Liam feels uncomfortable, witnessing something private and intimate he feels like he used to be part of. Zayn yawns and gets up. He unties his bun already loosen up by sleep. His hair is long enough to cover his shoulder blades and half of his back now. Contrary to Harry's, Zayn's hair is completely straight, shiny and black like a crow's feathers. Louis tucks a black lock behind Zayn's ear and says words Liam chooses not to hear. Instead he hums to discretely remind them they have to go. The two men look at him and Zayn smiles. It's fondly and genuine. Louis brushes his knuckles on Zayn's hand and walks past Liam with a smile. "let's do that, alright ?" he tells Liam. It's a little too cheerful to be genuine but it's meant to be reassuring, Liam guesses, thankful for the effort. Louis's always been the real leader amongst them although Harry was the one designated like it by the tabloids. Zayn follows Louis and takes Liam's hand passing by him. He entwines their fingers and smiles at Liam again. " 's gonna be okay Li, we're bros aren't we ?"

It seems to Liam as though he expects a real answer, chestnuts eyes locked on Liam's so he says "yeah I hope so, we've made the right choice... I think." Zayn starts walking backwards, still holding Liam's hand. "we did Li, we had to. Come on." Liam nods and follows him towards the studio.

 

"so, you guys sit here, Louis on the left then Niall, Liam in the middle, Zayn and Harry."

 Louis snorts when the man calls his name.

They take place. It's a little tight but they've never really been bothered with personal space anyway. The order has been thought about, each of them is comfortable with the person they’re next to. Liam likes when everything is easy and organised like that. The crew sets up the lightening, the three cameras and the microphones.

"Action" the director says. Cameras start rolling. He nods to Liam and leaves the room with the rest of the crew. Liam looks at Niall. "you guys ready ? On five."

He counts  "One. Two. Three." and mouths quietly "four. five."

 

 "Hi, we're one direction" they say all in one voice. If you pay great attention you can hear Louis making a snarky comment but it's hard to get what it is. They've done it in purpose, putting him far away from the microphones.  Although, to Liam it sound a little bit like "not for long" but perhaps it's because that's what his own mind is saying. Louis's eyebrows are raised, his face tensed in a nervous smile like for their first photo shoots. They all look grave, Liam the most, his brow frowned. He runs his hand through his newly buzz cut hair. He's not used to that feeling anymore. He draws back his attention to Niall who's speaking.

"these have been six amazing years and we'd all like to thank you guys." Harry cuts him, his nose is a little red. Usually he'd be sitting on a single chair next to the rest of the boys but this time they're all pressed on the couch. Like at the beginning. When they were so young they looked like children and could all fit on one couch, laying on each other. Harry hands are fidgeting, playing with his fingers. Zayn has a calming arm around his shoulders. "we couldn't have ever achieved anything this big without you, it's all yours..." his voice is sincere, he's not reciting. It's Liam's turn to speak. He's the responsible one, the one who's going to break the news. He has very contradictory feelings right now. He suddenly wants to call it off. He wants to announce a new merchandize, like they always do, a perfume maybe, another book. Laugh it all off and start again, like they always do. It wouldn't even be too much of a work for the teams to make. But he can't, they discussed it. And anyway he's not even sure there's a team anymore. He takes a deep breath. In the corner of his eye, he sees Niall lowering his head and Louis looking away. He can say whatever he wants, Liam know he's going to miss it the most. Louis's a performer, he always lived for that. Every side activities he's ever had was only in the purpose of performing. Football ? Only playing for public games imported. Song writing ? Only singing them on stage mattered.

On his other side, Zayn looks right at the camera, half his hair tucked behind his ear, the other hanging on the side of his face like a black curtain. Next to him, Harry looks at Liam. He's biting his nails but he gives Liam a small and highly unconvincing smile behind his hand.

Liam turns back to the camera. The words are difficult to get out. It's already been a few minutes since he's stopped talking. They'll cut it out at editing. There's nobody else in the room, they asked to be alone for that. It seemed important. No prompter, nobody to tell them what to say, nobody to rush them. Nobody to stress them out. It's their choice.

Niall sniffs next to Liam and wipes his nose.

 

"I think we can all agree, these were the best years of our lives but..." he breathes in and out to steady his voice. Come on he's a grown man. "but everything must have an end, even the best." he can't get to the point. He knows he should break it, they're only words but he can't and he's grateful when Zayn  takes over. "We’ve been discussing it for quite a while and we've come to a conclusion."

Louis finishes, with a little more high pitched voice than usual. "One Direction has come to its end."

Next to him, Niall sniffs again.

 

 ..................................

 

"Liam, are you ready ? We're leaving in five. Alright babe ?" Kyle says from the corridor, hands ruffling with keys.

"yeah, yeah sorry just gotta send this first..." Liam answers from his desk chair. “And...  Sent, " he clicks on somewhere on the screen. "I'm all yours !" he adds finally, standing up and walking out of the room.

"come on we're going to be late." Kyle says, tying a scarf around his neck. "how do I look ?"

"perfect." Liam answers, linking his hands behind Kyle's neck, a head shorter than him. Kyle's looks down from the mirror behind Liam and smiles. He lowers his head to meet Liam's mouth and kisses it. He rests his hand on Liam's lower back and slips one under his shirt.

Liam shivers. "cold" he whispers on Kyle's lips.

"gotta warm it up then." Kyle smirks, slipping his hand under Liam's belt and inside his boxer, the other unzipping the front of Liam's pants. Liam giggles. "I thought we were going to be late."

"we've got ten minutes, don't we ?" Kyle says, letting Liam's pants fall on his knees, too tight to fall on the ankles. Liam shakes it off and it lands on the floor. Kyle lowers his boxer under his butt and grabs one cheek with a full hand.

"sure we do." Liam breathes.

Kyle's hands are now both on his ass, stroking his cheeks, getting closer from where they meet.

Liam grips Kyle's back, calming his boner by moving against Kyle's thigh.

Suddenly there's fingers between his cheeks and Liam moans. He buries his face in the other man's neck. Fingers are now carressing the soft skin around his hole already opening at the idea of something penetrating it. "come on Kyle" Liam moans "please..."

Kyle smirks lightly. "I wanna hear you beg."

"please..." Liam repeats, louder.

"please what ?"

"please give me at least one finger"

"mmhh dunno" Kyle teases, but the tip of his finger caresses the hole making Liam moan louder. "please Kyle fuck"

"alright, mister needy." Kyle smiles, holding up two fingers in front on Liam. "suck" he orders gently. Liam opens his mouth and suck the fingers, eyes never leaving the other man's. After a moment, Kyle takes his finger out and kissing Liam he slowly introduces one finger in Liam's rim. "faster" Liam breathes, rubbing his hips on Kyle's thigh. His shaking hands are on Kyle, trying to open his fly. Kyle finally gives in and gets his whole finger inside Liam. Liam moans. It hurts, because saliva's not enough to lubricate, but he's used to it. Rocking on the finger and rubbing his length on his thigh, Liam finally gets steady enough to get one hand on Kyle's dick and starts stroking it. "another one please." he whispers against Kyle's jaw. "you sure ?"

"yeah, two even."

"okay mister greedy.." Kyle says cheekily. The tip of three of his fingers are ready to get in Liam when a phone starts buzzing on the floor, in one of Liam's pants pocket.

"fuck I have to get this" Liam says. "just a second."

Kyle hums in agreement. "m'gonna get the lube."

"good."Liam says, with a peck on Kyle's mouth. Kyle squeezes Liam's cheek and leaves him. Half naked, Liam looks frantically for the buzzing phone. He finds it and slides it open. "Liam Payne" he says, trying to sound the least out if breath he can.

"Li, it's Niall, am I disturbing you ?"

Liam eyes the room where Kyle's disappeared. "umh not right now" he says, running his free hand on his boner.

"Harry's in town, what do you say about coming to my place and catch up ?" Liam hums. Kyle comes out of the room with empty hands. Liam whispers "it's Niall" before giving Kyle a questioning look about the lack of lube in his hands. The man shrugs and whispers "we finished the last bottle apparently !"

"-I mean I can't believe we both live in London and yet we barely see each other !" Niall is saying cheerfully. 

"what ? Oh yeah, uhm I know, it's weird right, but we're busy and stuff." Liam answers, nodding towards the bathroom door for Kyle.

"nothing I checked like two days ago." he shrugs again. Liam rolls his eyes and starts putting his boxer back on with his one free hand. "I'm sorry" Kyle says. Liam shakes his head and turns away to focus on what Niall is telling him. His boner is gone.

They haven't seen each other in a almost half a year and it's nice to hear him. "so like old time, just you me and Harry, lads having fun without-" Niall suddenly stops speaking, realising he was about to get into a delicate subject.

"yeah ok sure !" Liam takes back, breaking what was certainly going to turn into an awkward silence. "when ?" "say... Tuesday ?"

"what about tomorrow ?" Liam asks, holding his phone between his shoulder and his ear to pull back up his pants with both hands. On the other side, Niall hums. "let me think, yeah ok let's say tomorrow, I'll call Harry and I'll let you know ok ? Let's says 8 at my place ? Bring something alright ‘haven’t been home for the past week, my fridge is an empty mess. Food or whatever, a movie even !"

"sure !" Liam says, zipping up and tucking his shirt in his pants.

"well see you tomorrow Li ! I'm glad to see you again !"

"so am I mate ! Can't wait ! Bye"

"bye !"

Liam hangs up and turns to Kyle who's resting his back on the wall, arms crossed on his chest and brows frowned.

"what ?" Liam asks, taking a coat off its hanger.

"No, it's just that you could've asked me, maybe I had something planned for us tomorrow."

"why did you ?" Liam asks.

Kyle scratches his nose. "No, but I could have."

"I'm sorry babe. But it's Harry, you know. We really used to be the best of friends. He's in town."

"yes, I love Harry, and Niall and I get that you love them too, but I'm your boyfriend Liam, I'm a part of your life and you can't just do like you were on your own okay ? What if I had planned to like, propose tomorrow night ?" Liam stops moving.

"yeah but you didn't right ? So what's the matter ?"

Kyle rolls his eyes and holds up his hands. "I don't know Li, but I could've and you didn't know if I had something planned or not and you didn't ask before planning something of your own without... I just... Okay let's forget it, we're going to be late." Kyle breaks the eye contact and runs his hand in his hair. "let's go, and remind me to buy lube."

Liam nods and holds the door open for the other man. When they're out, he locks it while Kyle calls the elevator. They both get in. Liam sets an arm around Kyle's middle and says "I'm sorry babe, I'll ask you next time." Kyle sighs and answers "I know. Come on," he pulls Liam closer. "love you" he says before kissing Liam's forehead.

 

  


  


"so" Niall starts, coming out of the kitchen, three cold beers in one hand and two bags of crisps in the other. "how are you guys doing since last time ? When was that ? When we were together ?"  


Liam looks at Harry and smiles. Liam's on one side of Niall's corner couch, all immaculate white leather, soft and way too comfortable to sit straight. The kind of couch perfect to watch football with the lads, cold beers and salty peanuts *a volonté*. Or maybe it's just what Liam pictures Niall is mostly using it for.

On the other side of the couch, Harry's curled up on the arm, feet tucked under him. They both take a beer from Niall who let's himself fall and get buried in the couch's cushions next to Harry. He empties the crisps in two bowls he leaves on the small glass table, between them.

"umh I don't know, a year maybe ? Since we were all together at least." Harry says, biting his lip. "although I saw you at umh.." he claps his fingers "you know" he tells Niall "that guy's birthday, in Vegas !"

Niall thinks about it, with frowned brows. "yeah I know, but it was like a couple months ago right ? Umh yeah I know, Chris or something right ?"

Harry looks up, his bottom lip completely invisible. "yeah, yeah Chris,  carris, Cory !" he exclaimes holding a fist for Niall to bump.

Niall laughs and and tells Liam "yeah so this guys, Cory, I'd never met him in my life yeah ?" Liam nods, because it's what he's expected to do although he has no idea what Niall is talking about, which is the point of Niall explaining him.

"so I'm at this restaurant with a couple of lads, some guys I work with when I'm in Vegas, you know from companies Eric has contracts for you know sounds and studios, but anyway " he waves away the complicated explanations. Liam and Harry share an amused looks.

"what ?" Niall asks. Harry shrugs with a smile. "nothing, keep telling tour story, I bet Liam's dying to know the end."

Liam laughs and Niall pouts, throwing a pillow at Harry who chuckles behind his hands protecting his face.

"fucker" Niall says fondly before turning back to Liam. "so I'm at lunch and that guy, Cory, comes to our table and sits next to me, starts asking my name and all saying he knows who I am, that he saw us back then and that he wants me to come to his birthday party, so I'm like umh who are you and the guys says" Niall takes an American accent which makes Liam and Harry laugh louder. "*I'm Cory something, I'm 35 today and I'm a fucking directioner dude* and I can see that he's clearly drunk but he's funny and all, and meself and the other lads we already had a couple of beers so I'm like okay let's go, he gives us the hotel address and we meet there with the lads and it happens that this Cory guy was in fact" he waves toward Harry who continues "Cory, the boyfriend slash fiancé of one of my biggest client-"

"so I'm here with my mates and there I see Harry" Niall cuts him "wiggling his pretty butt on the dance floor at this totally random party I've been invited by this random guy I met in this random restaurant !"

Liam laughs and Niall sips his beer. Harry smiles and tucks his feet higher under him.

When Liam stops laughing, he drinks a little more of his beer. He starts to feel a little buzzed already. It's his fourth beer, having already had two with Niall when they were waiting for Harry and another one after that.

"so Harry, about wiggling your butt, any boyfriend, girlfriend, both ?" Liam asks, waving his eyebrows suggestively. Niall cackles under his beer. Harry's cheeks redden a little bit. It's amazing how since he was sixteen Harry was portrayed as a heart breaker, a real player and yet he's still uncomfortable talking about his relationships.

" umh not lately, I mean nothing serious, there was this guys, Adam but way too... American you know ?"

Liam nods.

"he had this big car and this big house and this big-"

"dick ?!" Niall fills in. Liam and him explode in laughter, high fiving above Harry.

Harry sighs and shush them. "I meant big voice but that works too although I wouldn't have qualified it as a flaw." he says calmly. Liam and Niall laugh louder.

After a while, Niall stands up to get them new beers.

"And you with Kyle ? How's it ?" Harry asks.

From the kitchen Niall adds "how long have you guys been together ? Five ? Six year ?" he comes out, three beers in each hands.

"seven in April, mate." Liam says, sipping his beer. It's nice and cold.

"seven years ? Fuck me. And everything's alright ?" Niall asks, eyes full of concern sitting back in his place.

Liam scratched his chin. "yeah I guess, well he says I'm not committing enough but you know, I'm 28 I don't know if I wanna commit."

"he proposed ?" Harry asks.

"No, I mean yesterday we had sort of a fight and he mentioned it, like he was thinking about it but I mean, am I ready ? I don't know." Liam takes a hand full if crisps and put it in his mouth.

"How old is he again ?" Niall asks.

"thirty two."

"he wants to settle down for good I guess..." Harry says pensively. "what would you say if he did propose?"

"I guess I'd say yes, you know, I love him but it feels weird, it feels like I've already been with him my whole life you know ? I was what twenty one when we started dating, I was a kid back then, you know with all the... Group stuff..."

Harry nods comprehensively.

"you know I'm kinda glad you were straight back then." Niall blurts out.

"Niall I wasn't straight you know" Liam says.

"No, no I know, I mean that you thought you were." Liam's eyes meet Harry's knowing ones. Back then Harry was the only one Liam had told about his doubts and it's feels nice to know that even after all these years, he hasn't said anything. "I don't think I could've had handled it, being the only one interested in boobs, like I was out of Irish countryside and I'd never met anyone... That wasn't... Straight. So being surrounded by the four of you, I think it would've been a little overwhelming" Niall continues." At first I mean, of course ! Now I don't even give I shit about it anymore like, I mean you know it. I'm glad you found yourself and stuff." Liam and Harry nod and the three of them hold their beers up to Niall's words.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this happens many years after the first chapter.  
> Also i wrote that many years after i wrote the first chapter.  
> Some details might not even match, sorry about that.   
> I might be repeating myself also sorry i didnt read the first chapter in a while.

It's kind of sad, isn't it, how fast they got used to not live in each other's space. They spent five, no, six years sleeping in each other's beds, eating breakfast together, drinking together, watching movies and play video games together, in those tour buses and hotel rooms  where they spent their days. And then it stopped and there finally was some silence for more than a couple of weeks for the first tiime since they left their parent's homes. For the first time, they were alone, with no determined end to that break. They needed it, definitely, otherwise they would have taken the time to miss each other, to ease themselves gradually into not be part of each other's lives. 

It's sad, isn't it, how fast they got used to it. And that they were so happy to finally be alone that they forgot how happy they were when they were together. 

Now it's awkward because they grew appart, they forgot how to be with each other and they're starting to realize how difficult it is to get to know someone who you once knew better than yourself. 

They're back at the studio, so long ago, the same they announced the end of the group in. They're not waiting for each other today.

 

Niall's black Range Rover stops between a black Range Rover and another black Range Rover. Theirs are probably rentals. His carries the kid seat in the back and there's pop corn on the floor. 

He keeps his hands on the steering wheel, almost ready to turn back the car and go home. He's the last one in London. At least for some part of the year. Why it was decided that they would do it here is still a mystery. Not that Niall knows any of his ex-bandmates thoughts about it. 

With a deep breath he unlocks his seatbelt and opens the car door. He stops one last time before setting a foot on the concrete. It's still early but April has been good so far and the morning sun is already shining bright. There hasn't been a cold April for a few years and the temperature approaches 35 degrees Celsius around noon. That's the new norm. Global Warming. 

It's not even 20 degrees yet but Niall is already sweating. He wipes his palms on the sides of his shorts and starts walking towards the entrance. 

 

Liam flight landed barely an hour ago and he only wants to sleep. He's incredibly thankful to technology that the flight only lasted a couple of hours but no technology reduces jetlag yet. He had to leave in the middle of Joan's party and he got stuck in the middle of a demonstration against flying compagnies at the airport. People were angry and for a second there, Liam got scared they were going to kill him. They couldn't see him behind the tinted windows of the car, but he saw them, and their angry faces and their eyes and their signs and pictures. Some wore gas masks, concealing their faces, and those were the most terrifying because even if a camera caught them, they wouldn't be recognized. Luckily the car was strong and looked almost like a war tank. Liam did not like it when he saw it for the first time, but he was told that in LA that was the only way to be safe. He rarely took it to go anywhere, and didn't even know how to drive it. But the airport was too much of a dangerous location and when *they* decided to meet in London there was no other way than to fly there. he had too many obligation  in the days preceding the meeting to take the time to travel in overboat. 

Very little people still took the plane and the airport was almost empty. The rarity of planes authorized to fly in international air made the flights very expensive. And since flying was declared unethical by the International Counsel for the Planet Preservation less and less people used it. But Liam had no choice. He had to be at Joan's party. He knows that Harry who is a fervent advocate for the IC2P will hold that against him. Harry is the only one Liam still has regular contact with. They don't agree on everything but they gravitate around the same crowd, especially during the time Harry dated that artist who Liam produced three albums for. He was also fucking her for a while. The three of them might even have fucked a few times too. It was awkward for a bit when harry and the girl broke up, they avoided each other because Liam was still in business with her but then, she found herself a new producer to fuck for her next album and Liam hasn't heard of her since. Nobody has, because Liam is the best and you don't go from Liam to someone else. When you reach Liam you can only go down. And if it's not on him, then it's not the way you want to go. 

His cellphone rings in his back pocket. It's Ivy, the new rising star. Liam doesn't answer. But he sees that he got a text from one of his assistant, Edgar, who happens to be one of his best friends. Liam silently mouths "fuck" when he reads the text. Edgar is reminding him in capitals that it's Liam's daughter's birthday. Deena is 11. Liam hasn't seen her in almost a week and she spent the entire day talking about the party she was going to have, her first dance party.  With boys. She's almost a teen now. It's hard for Liam to realize that his baby girl is in middle school now. 

He's about to press the call icon next to his daughter's name but doesn't. Instead he goes back to Edgar's page and calls him. Edgar doesn't answer, obviously, he's still at Joan's. Will be there for the next couple hours. So Liam leaves a message asking him, not ordering, to please find a present for the eleven years old. She has everything she could ask for and Liam is not in the mood for calling her mother and have her yell at him for not getting his daughter a present earlier. Maybe he can use that to bond with Niall. That's how adults bond, right, through kids ?

And coincidentally, that's the moment Niall chooses to enter the room. Liam straightens up in the couch he slouched on when he arrived. His palms get sweaty and his heart does a little jump in his chest. Almost as if he was scared,as if he was caught in the act of something bad. He hasn't seen Niall in years. Soon a decade. 

 

Louis goes straight to the toilet. He barely has time to lock the door before he's throwing up all over the toilet seat.  A few tears blur up his vision as he coughs. He wipes off his nose with some toilet paper and cleans up the toilets a little. It's disgusting. The room is surprisingly spacious for its purpose and the part that isn't scattered with sick is very clean. Louis sits down and closes his eyes. He stays there for a long time, trying to keep the interior of his body inside, where it belongs. He hates overboat. He's been off the damn thing for almost two hours and he still feels like the ground is moving under his feet. Just thinking about the nightmare he had to go through for eight hours (eight hours !!!) makes his stomach turn around and try to leave through his throat. Louis throws himself on the toilet seat, grasping it so tightly his finger joints turn white. He gags, coughs but the only thing left in his body is bile and spit. It burns and now he's crying for good. When his stomach finally gives him a break, he's so exhausted he rests his forehead directly on the toilet seat. Hair is stuck with sweat to the back of his neck. He's ready to fall asleep, right there, tears starting to dry on his cheeks. He's woken up by a soft knock on the door. 

"Yalright in there ?" A concerned voice asks. "Need something ?"

Louis shakes his head no even though the person outside can't see him. He croaks "'m good". 

"You sure ?" The man outside asks, clearly realizing Louis is far from being ok. 

"Actually" Louis says, coming to the same conclusion "water, 'lot of water. Please"

"No problem I'll be back in a minute." 

Louis hears footsteps leaving. 

He manages to stand up and flush the toilet. He cleans up as much as he can and unlocks the door to access the part with the sinks. 

He doesn't have to look at his reflection to know that his eyes and nose are red and puffy. His head is starting to hurt from crying. Louis scratches the week long beard on his cheeks and wets his face in an attempt to get it back to its usual appearance. 

The door opens behind him. 

"Oh. It's you."

The soft voice from earlier says. Now that Louis isn't crying anymore and that it's not muffled behind a door, he recognizes it. When he lifts his eyes up to the mirror above the sink, he finally sees the reflection of a man with a bottle of water, a box of paracetamol and a phone, all in one hand, the other one still on the door handle. Louis turns around and rests his lower back on the sink behind him.

"Harry" He says. 

"Hi, Louis. Are you alright ?" Harry asks, startled, closing the door behind him, and pocketing his cellphone. 

"Here I got you paracetamol." He continues, in a softer voice, not waiting for Louis' answer. 

"'M good, thanks." Louis mumbles, holding his hands out to grab the bottle and box of painkillers, as harry steps forward to hand them out to him. 

"I... i don't do well in overboat." Louis explains, popping two pill out of the box. "Thanks for.." he holds up the paracetamol. "You know."

"No worries." harry says, back against the door, still closed behind him. 

Louis swallows the pills and half the bottle of Evian. 

"Feels good." 

"Yeah." 

Harry's stays silent while Louis empties the bottle of water in his mouth. 

Which gives him plenty of time to study the look of his former band mate. Louis is now getting closer and closer to his forties. He still has that petite frame, but not the boyish skater look he kept for a long time. He's wearing a thin white shirt with the three or four top buttons undone. His collarbones are exposed, and with them the writing tattooed : "it is what it is" in intricate lettering. His sleeves are rolled up, letting his many tattoos show. There's some harry doesn't know and some he recognizes too well, very old ones, that he thought Louis would have covered. 

With that, Louis wears expensive tailored black trousers and suede brown shoes. He looks like a business man on a casual day. He looks rich and powerful. 

 

They get back to the lounge room in silence. 

Louis let’s harry open the door. He’s still holding the water bottle and his crumpled jacket, forgotten on the floor of the stall. 

The room is empty. They sit in the couches, awkwardly. After what seems an eternity, harry decides to break the silence, but nerves and the prolongated quietness cause his voice to crack before any intelligible word can get out. 

Louis snorts. “I totally agree.” He says with a smile. 

Harry chuckles. He should not feel so hot in the cheeks but at least the tensions seems to have been broken. 

“I meant : do you want to grab a coffee ?”

Louis frowns, confused. “Here?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, coffee’s shit here. There’s a bakery a couple blocks away.”

 


End file.
